Being Seen

Whew, I am writing this from Austin, TX as I integrate an incredibly activating and expansive week at the Fit for Service retreat. This sh*t was the real deal, and I don't say that lightly. As a long time event producer and healer, I tend to have a high standard for transformational healing experiences - and this set the bar another level higher. Owaken Breathwork, TRE, journaling, nature connection, physical fitness, music by the Human Experience and Gone, Gone Beyond, ecstatic dance, healthy food, epic humans... we did it all (and no, this is not a paid advertisement).

To be honest, I didn't go to this retreat expecting any sort of massive transformation. I have been feeling pretty good and grounded in my life after a deeply introspective winter season, and I was just looking to get outside of my Nevada City bubble and meet some new people. Well... I got way more than I bargained for.

You see, I have been crippled with a fear of being seen for a long time - maybe my whole life. I am constantly hiding behind a project, a business, an art piece, a new logo, a fancy job title, degree, or certification. I work so hard to prove to the world how intelligent, intuitive, talented, and capable I am... that I forget to enjoy the experience of having these skills and abilities. I am so worried about cultivating them, that I don't stay present with what I have right now. I never truly give my (he)art creations the love and attention they deserve before I move on to the next thing... too fearful of rejection, or worse, acceptance.

Well, this week changed all of that for me. My intention fo the week was to show up, fully. To allow myself to be seen in my authenticity. I entered the talent show to share a poem I wrote two years ago and bring my voice to a real stage for the first time. It was terrifying and inspiring, and ultimately incredibly satisfying.

I have gotta say... I feel seen. I feel loved, witnessed, appreciated, uplifted and respected for my voice & my art in a way I have never felt before. I am not quite sure what this means for how I will move through the world moving forward, but I know for sure that I am done hiding.

I am ready to speak my truth, share my gifts & art, and shine.

SO much more to come.